Summer Wardrobe Felonies

well, summer is upon us. and, as i search my closet for my first official summer ensemble, i can't help but cringe at the outfits i'm sure to see by my fellow big boned sisters out here. now, we all know that women love summer because we get to show off our legs and toes, and other assets. and men love summer because women get to show off our legs and toes, and other assets. that being said, you KNOW i have a few comments about these outfit choices.

now, this isn't just for the big-boned sisters out there, ladies, this is for all of US. let's start from the bottom, shall we? nail shops all over the country are seeing their profits skyrocket because of all the scheduled pedicures. you know sandals are the shoe of the summer. there are some women, such as myself who can't afford to even walk past the nail salon to see someone getting a pedicure. i totally get that, but...... that is NO excuse to be walking around looking like your day job is to walk on coal before you go sliding into some sandals with your life story written across the back of your ankle in cracks. I'm just saying, if you have a bowl, or a pot, or even just a bathtub, you can soak your feet, after soaking your feet, you can grab an emery board from any dollar store for like 35 cents, and even a piece of pumice stone for like $1. head on over to the local beauty supply, and get a bottle of polish for like $0.99 and go home and make your feet beautiful. because if i see one more woman in $20 sandals with escaped convict feet talking about "you know i can't afford a pedicure" i'm gonna be sick.

Let's move on up to the legs shall we? now, i'm not even going to get on the shaving thing, because i honestly think that's a personal choice. the only time i actually shave my legs consistently is in the summer. but hair or no hair, you look a hot mess if your legs are as dry as the back of your feet. and this is not just for my African American sisters. this is for all women. if you're going to show your legs, moisturize them....regularly. fellas too please. i'm just saying.

now, let's move onto the area that makes me cringe the most, the belly. now, as a big girl, i do NOT hate on my thin sisters. if your belly is flat, and you wanna show it, then show it. rock it. and when you get jealous stares, revel in them. however, if you know your belly hangs over your mini skirt, put something over it. come on, ladies, i don't care how you fool yourself in the mirror that you can suck it in. you know you're not going to hold that belly in all day. and it looks a hot mess, i'll be the one to tell you. that's not saying you can't dress sexy, but i'm just saying putting all your *stuff* out there is not a way to get attention. unless you want the attention of being desperate. you know i'm telling the truth.

the best solution i've found to this problem is if you're gonna show off your legs in a cute mini, then cover up your belly and a little bit of your chest. if you're gonna have your belly and your chest all out, find some cute capris or a peasant skirt or something. don't put it ALL out there at once. there is something to be said to leaving something to the imagination.

ok, so let's skip the chest (i'm not even going there today), and move onto the face. now, i'm one of those women who have the luxury of not needing foundation and powder and all of that stuff. but, i will say this. if you're going to wear all that stuff on your face and then go in the sun, bring a hand towel just in case you sweat. that's if you wear makeup or not. there's nothing worse than a woman sweating rivers of foundation onto the neck of her shirt. blot at your face and neck with the towel, OFTEN!!! if you're a fashionista like me, go to the dollar store and buy a slew of hand towels in different colors. it's much cuter if you match. and don't be afraid to go natural! even though i'm already what my sister calls a chocolate drop, i love to lay in the sun. and i find it's on the days that i don't put anything on but sunscreen and lip gloss that i have the best summer glow. i'm just saying don't let your addiction to makeup make you forget that there is a natural beauty in there somewhere.

ok, onto the hair, and i'm through. sigh, this one's for my African American sisters. we all wish we had the millions of dollars to get beyonce's weave (ya'll know that's not her hair), but since we don't sometimes we have to make other arrangements. some choose braids, but that is a rather expensive choice. and others choose random up dos, ponytails or even tracks. now, most of these styles can be achieved in the kitchen (ya'll kitchen beauticians know what i mean) but let's use some smarts ok ladies? hair glue + sun + sweat = your hair smelling like a rotten fish. if you don't know, you better ask somebody. however, if you glue those tracks to a stocking cap instead of your head, you can reduce that risk. also, if you naturally have a fade, and you want to pull a rapunzel, you are going to be miserable. weave is hot, very hot the more hair you pile on. i'm just saying, enhance your hair in moderation. a lot of men don't even like ever flowing long hair like they used to. rock your short or natural hair if you feel adventurous. you never know whose eye you may catch.

so, while i wish that my little free blog could reach the masses, but i know i'm not that influential. but you know you see your girls going out looking a hot mess, and you don't say anything because you don't want to offend them. but you are not a friend if you let ANY of your girls go out and commit these summer wardrobe felonies. i'm just saying.